WELLL I DID IT! I was successful this week! From when i decided to do this diet and changing my whole life i have actually been successful. Ill be honest monday I was scared especially when i came home and baked and made a bunch of sweets. But i stuck to my word and went and worked out tuesday, wed, met with the personal trainer on thursday, then friday and today I did my cardo on the treadmill! YA HEAR! I did 5 days at the gym! Mind you, that since Thursday, i have been overly sore. But i didnt wussy out and not go. I fought thru the pain and went. I havent been this proud of my self in a while.
So this morning was the "JUDGEMENT" day, i had to get back on the scale to see what had happened. WEEEEELLLLLLLL I did it, I got on, closed my eyes and then waited a couple min and THEN i looked at that tiny little screen, Ya know what I saw. I saw that i had lost 7.6 pounds!!!!!!!Im sure a lot of it was water weight but STILLLLL it was needed! I may have cried, the pain was worth it, and i knew i had made the right choice to sign up with FRANK THE TANK! hahaha thats my new trainer, im going to meet with him twice a week starting monday! So as seeing as i was so happy i wanted to share it with my mom, but at that moment she was in the restroom and my dad happened to be walking down the hall. SO i had told him to look at tell me what it said bc I SURE AS HELL didnt believe my own eyes. So what does he do, he looked at the number read it out loud, which was 324.4 and he looks at me shakes his head and goes when did you get over 300,how did you let this happen.... that moment right there nearly killed me. I did everything i could to try not to cry right there and then on the scale. I got off and turned my back on him. I had to. I didnt want him to see how badly i was hurt. He had said something else that i cant recal right now. But i screamed at him. Not a little bit either, a whole mouthful of stuff flew out of my mouth, as my mother was exiting the washroom she came to see what was going on. At that point i was crying pretty hard and couldnt hold it in or control it and she was asking what had happened, so i told her. she was proud but that didn't take that hurt away. Hell its been all day and that hurt is still there, like he knows how hard i have been busting my ass this week and he couldnt just say hey good job, no he had to break me down. Just thinking about it and writing about it i sit here crying... I tried to talk to mom about it but it hasnt helped. All in a matter of moments he killed my pride in myself. But did I give up today and drop everything and go eat the doritios that have been taunting me on top of the fridge, NOPE. I sat and cried for a few minutes got myself cleaned up then spent the day with him and my mother, baby sitting shopping, then i came home changed and WENT to the gym to continue on. For dinner I ate alone and i kept my portions under control. I am still so angry at him and I dont know what i can do to make that go away. Those few minutes keep replaying and i keep getting more and more upset as it comes up. WHY WHY WHY would anybody do that to someone. WHY. My mom tried to make excuses for him saying he doesnt think before he speaks and crap like that but HONESTLY! What did I do to deserve that kind of pain? What could anyone have done to deserve that.
I thought writing about it would help.... Apparently not. Erg. I am going to have to figure something out.I know what i normally would do, but that isnt an option currently.
Well its late and I have a long day tomorrow. So until next time...
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